I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize