They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
