Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
