Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
