i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
