"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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