I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
