thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
