he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
