I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
