i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
