I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
