All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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