How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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