Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
