Cold hands, warm shart.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
