i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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