dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
