I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
whose parrot is this?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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