I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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