That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
