So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize