apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
