i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just tell him i said nine months
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
