Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
