stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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