i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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