I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
