but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
