I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
