Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize