this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
