Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
