so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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