Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
