i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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