Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
