margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
