Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
