Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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