the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
