no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
