My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
