Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize