As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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