tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
