I think I won the penis lottery.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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