I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
