never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
