'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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