I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize