Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
