I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
