She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
