he shaved USA in his pubs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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