chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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