if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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