Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
