ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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