You're completely useless in the revolution.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
