The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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