I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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