I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This house was built for laser tag.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
