So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
