I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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