I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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