Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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