i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
