all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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