The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
