I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
