I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
