I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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