chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
