you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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