piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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