my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
