I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
