God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
