And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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