You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
