please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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