take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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