WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize