Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
