you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
