Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
